Can it Truly Be?

It's so hard for me to believe, but it's been 15 years since my sister, Sherri, went to be with the Lord.  I remember standing in the florist shop ordering flowers for her funeral, and thinking, "Surely the Lord is going to return soon, because I can not bear the thought of living without her...and He won't put more on us than we can bear...this is clearly too much.  I know He must be on His way back.  We won't be here in another 10 years...surely."    Well....it's been 15. . .and has that caused me to doubt Him?  Has that caused me to become bitter?  Has my faith diminished?  Certainly one would think that any of those would be reasonably expected outcomes, especially considering how I distinctly recall saying "Surely He will not expect us to actually have to DEAL with her loss on a daily, or even worse: YEARLY basis." 

But here I sit. . . 15 years later.  I can truly testify to the fact that God is faithful.  No matter WHAT circumstances cause your grief.  Sudden tragedy..Sudden loss of a job.  Sudden death of a loved one.   Psalm 34:18 says The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.  I clung to that promise even when I could not even pray any words to express my grief.

In the wake of her sudden death, and the days leading up to her funeral I recall very little...guess from the shock.  But one thing God allowed my memory to retain, and subsequently He has etched it into my heart:  Standing at her casket the night before her funeral.  People were lined up outside, waiting to come in. . .and there was my former piano instructor . . as we stood at Sherri's casket I told Lynn, "I can never play again. .. how can I play from a  heart that is broken?"  She said "You have all the more reason to now."  I didn't understand. .. but that was 15 years ago. . . Now I understand. 

God uses music as a tool in the healing process. . .and in the few months or even years after she passed, I could not hear certain songs sung without boo-hooing.  One specific song was "Serenaded by Angels."   Couldn't hear it sung, or played on the radio.  

How could I continue to PLAY from a heart that was broken?  In order to get the refreshing juice from grapes, they must be crushed. . .and little did I know that God was going to use Sherri's untimely death to become a platform for me to offer encouragement and comfort to others. . .and do it through the music that He caused to come forth from that once crushed spirit and broken heart of mine.  

God is faithful.   15  years later, here I sit . . .with a healed heart. . . still thinking of and missing my sister, but with a new perspective.  God WILL allow us to go through hard times, sometimes they seem even more than we can bear...but it's to reveal HIMSELF to us.  . and draw us closer to Him.  

And below is a musical arrangement of none other than Serenaded by Angels. . in memory of my sister's 15th year with the Lord.  Her time in eternity has only just begun.

The Practicality of Life~~The L.O.L.

Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth.  II Tim. 2:15 (NIV)

Just wanted to touch base with everyone, since....yes, I'm still "out here."  LOL    The Lord helped me to survive my first "anatomy" lecture test and lab "practical."  Not only did I "survive," I passed--with A's!  Hold on while I pinch myself.  OUCH!   That hurt!   Ha!  I don't need to pinch myself to "believe it," because I feel the exhaustion from all the studying just about every moment of the day. . . that's "all the reminder" I need.  HA

Anyway....of course, I do a lot of thinking on my way "to and fro" school.   Wondering about this "phase" of life that I'm in..  Almost 40 well, um, "much older than your average college student" and in school again?  Really?  Well, it's more about "what's the deeper purpose in all of this, Lord?"  (because I know that there's SOMETHING ELSE He's wanting to teach me~~in addition to "Anatomy and the other classes," of course.) 

Guess what happens "in between school" ???  Give up?  Life!  That happens.  Duties of "being me."  Duty Calls.  Not sure about you, but sometimes I feel like taking this old flesh of mine and throwing it away. 

Allow me to explain:  (HA  that sounds so fancy!)  LOL

In Anatomy we not only have Lecture, but we also have a nearly three hour Lab class each week.  The tests in Lab are called "Practicals."  That's basically where we "see who really knows (*and can apply) what they've learned from the text book."  Some of us students prefer the lecture, whereas others like the "hands-on" approach of Lab.  Isn't it ironic that the Lab tests are actually called PRACTICALS??  

Do you have a "Hands-On Approach" to learning??

That's what LIFE IS for us, y'all.  We go to church, we listen to messages, take notes, do devotions, write journals, study the Word, dig deeper, and then guess what happens...we put the Bible down, close the devotions, strap on our "boots" and head out the door---into the big test of life~~ THE Practical!   It's early morning, and "unbeknownst" to me, I'm at the "first station in the Practical of Life,"  where I find--the car in the garage...I've got my keys in hand...and yet, where are the two children I am "to transfer from home to school?  Why are they not yet in the car??  Were they not just behind me?? Where art they!??   Hmmm.  What to do--What to do?!  Well, do I "APPLY my knowledge" from my earlier "moms-need-more-patience, and-here's-how-to-get-it" devotional???  ~~OR~~ do I flunk this first "station" in the Practical of Life and just completely blow my cool....Honking the horn, flashing the lights, etc?  "Okay, gather your cool, here come the two children...Lord, forgive me....okay...Let's shake this off and go to school."

Time flies whether we're
"having fun" or NOT! 

Head out the driveway, down the street and on towards Lab Practical Station #2 the main road..."Who let the floodgates open??   Where is all this traffic coming from? We'll never make it to school if I can't get out of this neighborhood~~What am I saying?  I have to get MYSELF to class!!"  What's that~~Could that be my blood pressure rising??   I look back to find the kids are biting their nails, tightly grasping their backpacks!  Wait...their backpacks are STILL ON THEIR BACKS, yes, while they're strapped in by their seat belts~~they must've been rushed to get in the car and "strapped in!"  ("Oh man, that's gotta be uncomfortable!")    Meanwhile---Time's tickin' away. (did I mention Lab practicals are TIMED!??)

"Barely scraping through that station," we get to school, they hop out of the car...."have a nice day y'all....I've got to run..I leave for classes in an hour!!"    Whew!   Arriving home, grabbing my backpack and a snack for later, what do I see on the dining room table?   My daughter's homework--the one she worked tirelessly on til "way past her bedtime" the night before!  OH NO!  Without realizing it, I've just proceeded to Lab Practical "Station #3!"    Now, the correct answer to this "problem" is to "not panic" and take the assignment to school (which happens to be a few minutes away..."No biggie," I thought.)   Well, I enter the garage~~keys, backpack AND daughter's assignment in hand (forget the snack-who has time to eat??)...I open the garage door, only to find...IT'S POURING DOWN RAIN!  . . . "Where's my umbrella?!"   (in the house!)   Entering Station #4.   (or could it be I never REALLY left "Station 1"  ????)  LOL 



(...."Ah...there they are, again!")

Y'all get the idea don't you!?    Life is just one big "Lab Practical" after another.  How well are we doing?  We may have the BOOK knowledge....but how well are we applying what we've learned "in the real world."  ?   ?   ?   (okay..where's my steel toes from last time?  HA)



Of course, some of these above-mentioned situations "may or may NOT" have been "added to for fictional purposes," but I have been thinking about this aspect of life. . . Surely we're fearfully and wonderfully made--as I've been  learning about all the microscopic details that we humans are composed of. . . but I'm also learning that whenever my feet hit the floor in the morning, I've just entered the "L.O.L."  Lab of Life.  And sometimes it "aint so funny!"  (Can I get a witness!?)   :o)  And the difference between the LOL (Lab of Life) and Lab in Anatomy is----in Anatomy, I'M the one who's looking into the microscope, deciding what specific tissue or cell I'm looking at. HOWEVER--in the "L.O.L." it's not MY eyes that are looking through the microscope..it's the LORD'S eyes. . . thing is----what's He seeing?    Am I squirming and/or complaining on the "microscopic stage" of life??   How do OTHERS see me?  How am I "Handling the Word?"   Life is hard, and sometimes it's literally hard to breathe under the weight of these burdens... sometimes "trying to live the life" becomes a burden in itself---which is DEAD WRONG!  Our Heavenly Father KNOWS we can not do this!!  He wants us to depend totally on HIM to live HIS LIFE through us...all He wants is for us to be a CHANNEL for HIS STRENGTH and power to flow, and therefore "pass with flying colors" in the "Lab of Life."

Happy news is.....when we're His children we're covered in His Son's righteousness.  So, when He sees us, He's seeing perfection~~POSITIONALLY, not practically, of course.  Does this mean I am to continue on in my sinful, fleshly ways?  Nope.  I'm to stay under His wing, dependant totally ON HIS STRENGTH and fully obedient TO HIS WORD to get me through these "not-so-practical" times in life.  And that's a lot to LOL about!    Rejoice in the Lord!!

Okay..that's it from me until next time.    In an email, I teased a fellow blogging sister, Karen at Hallelujah Anyhow--who's taking a short BB (Bloggin' Break)...I mentioned how I'd missed her...anyway, when I signed off, I said, "H.U.N.T.  Hugs Until Next Time. . .no, we're not sending out a search party to hunt for you!"  LOL    So...y'all don't have to send out a search party for me. . I'm here. . . .But here you go:  Happy HUNTing--Hugs Until Next Time.  :)  Oh, and BTW, Kay (at Nana's Nuggets) I nearly "cracked up" LOL'ing when I got your latest comment!  Thanks for checking in!  (And whew, you didn't have to send out a "search party" for me...not yet anyhow!)   :)  HUGS!

Like a crane [or] a swallow, so did I chatter: I did mourn as a dove: mine eyes fail [with looking] upward: O LORD, I am oppressed; undertake for me.  Isaiah 38:14 (KJV)

Thank You, Father, for Your never-ending patience, and for being the most tolerant, loving, generous, helpful, patient Instructor I've ever known!  Help me, please..help us ALL as we enter the LOL---and make sure that we are filled with YOUR JOY, so that instead of feeling "under the microscope," we can really do some LOL'ing---rejoicing in Your presence!  In Jesus' Name...Amen.



G.P.S. "God's Placement System"

The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD:

and he delighteth in his way.  Psalm 37:23 (KJV)

Thank you all so much for your encouragement and leaving special comments in the limited blog posts that I've been able to add this week.  I have a sneaky feeling this is just one thing the Lord is going to prune.  I think sometimes, "Lord, it doesn't make sense to cut away something that is fruitful."  And then He so happily responds, "But that is what pruning is all about...."  So I have to believe with all my heart that even though a few very special "things" in my life, such as blogging, sharing, and working on music are being "pruned," that it is only to bring forth much more fruit in those very areas at a later date. 

Today, on the way home from purchasing my first set of college books in over 20 years, I told my daughter, "You know, if I could ask the Lord a question about all of this, it'd be:  I sometimes wonder why You equipped me with certain abilities, and yet it seems that You are shelving those very areas of usefulness that You have received the most glory from?"  In more particular---the ministry of music at church.  I wonder, how that will "hold up" under the pressure of me in college, the kids adjusting to public school (as opposed to home school) and of course all the typical mom/wife/house keeper duties?  Will the desire of my heart to serve Him musically be shelved?   He's so good to give a quick answer.  In My Utmost for His Highest (Oswald Chambers) I read how the Lord sometimes puts us in the "most useless" places--places not where we are most "useful," but where HE can get the most glory.  And it's not for US to say where that should be.   So....that was a big "Ah HA!!" moment.  And then He adds a wonderful P.S. "Shall not the Judge of all the earth do right?"  (Gen. 18:25)  God will place us wherever He wants to, in order to receive the most glory out of our lives.  God's Placement System is far more advanced than words could ever describe, so there's no need to "try to figure it out."

He Met Me on the Football Field Tonight:

God is in control.  And to PROVE TO ME that HE IS sovereign in this situation, watching every detail, He graciously added a few "signs" alongside this new road.  Almost like the comforting voice of that little G.P.S. "Turn right here....turn left at the next traffic light," He gave me yet ANOTHER reassuring sign that this is the road I am to be on.   Continuing our normal evening routine, my son and I hop in the car, and we head down to football practice.  Only thing is----no one is there.  Well, no one except one other car with two of his teammates who weren't at practice last night  Evidently last night the coaches told the boys there was no practice tonight, but my son "happened to miss that announcement."  Well...that was of the Lord!  Why?  Because as I was chatting with the two teammates, I mentioned I was going back to college, and they said, "So is our momma!"  Knowing that THIS was a Divine Appointment, shy little ole me went over to talk with her... having never been introduced before, this was a huge step for me.  :o)  Anyway, long story short, she was the biggest help, offering so much advice, and most of all, encouragement!   I knew that football practice had been canceled, and we were the only two that didn't get the message for THIS very important reason:  God wanted me to SEE His hand is STILL working....and yes, even on the football field!  LOL  How cool is that?  :o)

I did look over my Anatomy books, and whew....it's intimidating to say the least...but one thing is for sure, with the belief that "our bodies are fearfully and wonderfully made," I was able to view the pictures with a sense of awe, instead of "somebody catch me, my knees are givin' out!"  LOL  Oh how I pray for the Lord to enable me to GRASP this material....but that's another day's story I guess.  Tonight's is just the simple fact that He has been so good to reveal another facet, another "sign" on this new road that is springing up.

Thank You Father for the Divine Appointment You scheduled for me this evening.  Thank You for the little details and encouragements You gave me too!  I pray for my special sisters and brothers in Christ.   The road they are on may be dark, it may be scary...and just to have one glance from You, one Divinely placed appointment would bring such encouragement and breathe strength into their hearts as it did mine this evening.  Do something, reveal Your wonderful fingerprints in their circumstances, just help them to know You are there. If You should choose not to for now, please give them the strength to continue on, until the Son-shine breaks through these dark clouds!  We can only come to You and request this because of what our Savior, Jesus, did for us on Calvary.  We come through Him, in His name, and ask for Your grace to abound to our hearts!  In Jesus' name, amen.

Anyone for some pizza...anyone? anyone??

And the LORD, he it is that doth go before thee; he will be with thee, he will not fail thee, neither forsake thee: fear not, neither be dismayed.   Deut. 31:8 (KJV)

For several months now, I've been on a journey...seeking God's will for my life.   For most of my life I've been a person who has never liked change.  For example, when I was sick in elementary school and had to miss a few days of school, mom and dad would have to "encourage me to go back to school" by offering dad's home-made pizzas for dinner that night.  Dad normally would only make those pizzas on Saturday nights...so for him to offer to "switch up the routine and make them during the week" was a BIG DEAL!  :)  That's how "unadaptable" I've been most of my life.) LOL   

I've been blessed to be a stay-at-home mom ever since my first child was born, 12 years ago....so when my husband told me, with a heavy heart, that I'd have to go back to work this fall, and not home school them...(due to the economy pinching our wallets), my heart sank....Change!?? NO WAY. What will I do?  Where will I go?  Even worse----the kids will go to public school? ? ?  How will THEY adapt? 

Oh....the fasting, seeking, listening and reading God's Word, praying, pouring out my heart to Him over this... believing that if it were His will, He could change circumstances all around, even at the very last minute.  Well, it's down to the last minute, school's about to start....and the way it looks, I'll be headed back to school too...College..to finish what I started over 20 years ago.  Scared?  Pretty much.  Trusting the Lord?  The best I can.  Waiting on Him to open a window of escape er, I mean opportunity?  You better believe it! LOL   So far, I see no window.   Hey, whatever happened to "Maria von Trapp's" saying, "when the Lord closes the door, somewhere He opens a window?" (from the Sound of Music)   Well, me going back, just may BE the window.   What's going to be on the other side?  I have no idea.   But I know WHO will be there, Who IS with me even now, Who is leading me.  When He said to me months ago, "See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." (Isaiah 43:19 NIV)  I had no idea the "new thing" would be THIS.   :o)

those little white dots are sheep :)

In the process, I've been letting go...of a lot of things.  And the freedom I've found in Him is refreshing.  I'm learning to STEP OUT of that "comfort zone" (or the sheep's fold)...and go out...into hopefully greener pastures, where I can graze upon His Word, walking ever closer with Him along the (NEW) way.

With the thought of homework (*gasp*), wife and mom duties, church pianist duties, and of course my relationship with Him and keeping THAT in tact, I have wondered why He would have led me to even start this blog....But now I see that He has brought across my path some very special people, my spiritual sisters and brothers in Christ.....and I appreciate your wonderful, new-found friendship and support.   

Now...won't you please join me on this new journey.  (when I think about it, I realize that maybe, just maybe, He has given me such wonderful new friends, so that you all can walk with me on this journey "into the unknown.")  OH HA...That sounds scary.   But it's not.  Because He is already there.  Wherever He leads, may the results bring Him all the glory!  Let's go ahead and start praising Him now.  ;o)

"His presence shall go with me...and I will be not afraid." 

One final note:  I'm going to be away from the computer for the weekend. . . so I just wanted to let y'all know I'll miss hearing from ya, and visiting with y'all....but should be back by Sunday night or Monday morning. Thanks again for all the wonderful comments about my grandmother's poems. I know she is thrilled to see the Lord still using her, even in her golden years....and golden they are...
She's such a jewel.

Thank you dear Father, for Your Sovereign hand, ruling the tides of my life.  I can see Your hand on my life ever since I was a little bitty girl.  I know that You will NOT leave me even now, as I'm facing a new road.  Why should I worry or fear, when I know You are the "Ultimate New-Road-Construction Engineer."   Thank You for bringing me new friends into my life.  I pray a special blessing upon each and every one of them.  Bless them in their individual ministries, and strengthen their walk with You, just as You are strengthening mine.  In Jesus' name, Amen.